Unfortunately, it’s time for us to check back in with Barrington Whelk. I’ll try to pretend I’m creating an objective and unbiased summary, but I’m going to fail. Here goes nothing.
Barrington Whelk is an insomniac! I’m reminded of Gansey’s late-night model building habits, but, unlike Gansey, Whelk’s sleeping patterns are because of voices in his head acquired when he killed his best friend. And, even more unlike Gansey, Whelk takes the time spent awake not building houses but thinking about that time he, um, killed his best friend.
He seemed more wakeful at the full moon and after thunderstorms, but beyond that, it was difficult to predict. In his mind, he imagined that it was the magnetic pulse of the ley line itself, somehow invited into his body through Czerny’s death.
Thinking about the ley line gives Whelk an idea: why doesn’t he use the time spent not sleeping to do some nefarious plotting and try to fix his life by finding Glendower? He pulls out some maps he made with Czerny when they were teenagers and reexamines them. Their handwriting is all over them: they dowsed and took readings and toured the Virginia countryside. They came to the same conclusion as Malory and decided to do a ritual to wake the line up, but were chickenshit about it and kept pushing the date back.
Until, of course, the government seized his father’s fortune and left Whelk with nothing but $10 in his pocket and a leather couch.
The whole thing was all very public. The Virginia playboy, heir to the Whelk fortune, suddenly evicted from his Aglionby dorm, relieved of his social life, freed from any hope of his Ivy League future, watching his car being loaded onto a truck and his room emptied of speakers and furniture.
Apparently they’d been watching his family for years, and I really hope they pulled a Matilda and pretended to be speedboat salesmen parked outside the house. I have a feeling that’s not what happened, but I have no problem ignoring that feeling and believing in The Matilda Theory anyway.
Back to the story: Whelk finds himself with nothing and Czerny rolls up in a Mustang. That’s it for Whelk, who moves up the time of the ritual to as soon as possible because he simply cannot stand to be shown up by his best friend and future murder victim. The chapter ends, but we can fill in the blanks: Czerny dies, Whelk has nothing, and goes back home to become a bitter Latin teacher at the alma mater he never actually graduated from.
Thoughts and Feelings:
I really appreciate the use of thunderstorms and full moons as a method for Whelk’s sleeplessness. It’s like the ley line knows that’s the dumbest way to come up with a pattern and is personally trying to mess with Whelk just because it knows just as well as I do that he’s literally the worst. But then again, the fact that Whelk’s map has so many more circles than Gansey’s is interesting to me. Does it mean that people have just been telling Gansey he’s good at finding stuff even though he sucks at it, or do I have to admit Whelk knows what he’s doing? It’s crazy to me that we can have this character who’s so beyond pathetic and yet competent enough to find multiple energy points on the ley line (using his “complicated” dowsing rod that’s just a bent clothing hanger and does not sound that hard to make).
I might be biased, but I’m a huge fan of Czerny and his red pen and red car (pick a color and stick to it, guys, it’s good for your branding). And then Whelk steals his girlfriend and murders him! High school was not like that for me. Not even a little bit. People didn’t really steal people’s significant others, and there was certainly no murder. Aglionby boys really are on some shit, and Blue’s rules are 100% warranted. I also can’t wait for her to break them and hang out with the Gangsey now that we’re done hearing from Barrington Whelk for a couple more chapters.
Best character moment:
Czerny had pulled up in his red Mustang. He hadn’t got out of the car. “Does this make you white trash now?” he’d asked. Czerny didn’t really have a sense of humor. He just sometimes said things that happened to be funny.
Best turn of phrase:
Back then, it had been a game, a treasure hunt. A play for glory. Was it true? It didn’t matter. It was an expensive exercise in strategy with the East Coast as the playing field.
Action: We did get an FBI investigation Danny DeVito would be proud of, so what is there to complain about? 8/10
Magic: The magic in this chapter spends its time torturing Whelk, and it does it outside of the constraints of temporal time. Hilarious. 11/10
Comic relief: It was mostly a downer. Czerny did have that one shining moment, but it was only funny because it was true, so. 3/10