Hello again! Welcome to another (and, unfortunately, not the last) very short Whelk-centric chapter! We clock this one at a whopping three pages, and so you really can’t expect all that much from me in this post. I can’t make miracles. And if I could, I’d be writing my own books.
Here’s the gist: Whelk misses being rich and the delicious guacamole that came with it. He’s also mad that he didn’t take Gansey as a hostage when he had the chance, because it would have been easier to just take him to the ley line and sacrifice him there.
Whelk missed the good food that came with being rich…Carrie, the chef’s name, had been an effusive but intimidating woman who adored chopping things up with her knives. God, he missed her guacamole.
So he’s eating his terrible poor-person cheeseburger and he’s lamenting his terrible planning skills and he’s gnashing his terrible teeth, when the pay phone next to him rings. It’s Neeve. She’s being very eerie and she says she wants to help him wake up the ley line.
Whelk wants to say no, because Neeve is being very creepy, but he’s also an idiot and can’t do any of this by himself so obviously he says yes. Now I just have to buckle in and wait for them to fall in love.
And, that’s the end of the chapter. I know. It was a doozy, just try and keep all the crazy plotlines straight.
Thoughts and Feelings:
I mean obviously I’m joking about Neeve and Whelk falling in love, but wouldn’t it be funny if I weren’t? I’m trying to imagine a first date between the two of them but frankly it’s hard. You have to imagine Neeve would want to go corpse robbing during a blood moon because she is a walking stereotype, but that means Whelk would try and hit her with the shovel because he wanted to go eat guacamole and make fun of high schoolers.
I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here because this chapter was really short and there’s absolutely nothing I can say about it. I guess I appreciated that Whelk acknowledged Neeve’s power and expertise, because I feel like that’s not something I expected him to do when a woman is involved. He does call her a “thing” immediately after, though, which kind of dims the effect.
Best Character Moment:
As he chewed, a plan was falling into shape, and the plan involved sleeping in the back seat of his vehicle and making another plan in the morning.
Best Turn of Phrase:
Neeve’s voice was mild and eerie. No live person, Whelk thought, should sound so much like a computerized voicemail menu.
Action: A burger consumed, a phone call made. 4/10
Magic: Neeve did contact Whelk through a gas station pay phone using a stolen hair, so. That’s kinda dope. 7/10
Comic Relief: Everything about this chapter was so weird and specific to Barrington Whelk and his whiny ass personality and, honestly, it was all hilarious. 10/10